When I was growing up, I would get excited about things and if they didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I would feel really disappointed. Then eventually, I stopped myself from feeling excited because the possible disappointment was too much to bear. The disappointment was too painful. If I didn't get so excited, I wouldn't become so disappointed.
My excitement was conditional. It depended on the outcome and the results of what I wanted. It came with expectations. I know I'm not the only one. Then I had a child, and I saw him going through the same experience. And I got to learn, from guiding him, that you, I, we, get to feel excited, regardless of the outcome, regardless of the results. The outcome really doesn't matter.
Most things we do in life are motivated by creating/manifesting a specific result. But what if, the perceived outcome was a mere backdrop? An illusion set in place to activate movement towards it? It's not the result that defines you. It's who you become and what you strengthen/develop while achieving your results - that's what defines you.
Can you allow yourself to feel excitement regardless of the outcome, regardless of the result? Can you allow yourself to feel excited and release the expectation? Because even when things "don't work out," they are "working out," for us. Not for our egos, but for our highest good. And if you can let go of needing to depend on the results or the outcome, you can invite excitement back into your life. And you get to feel excited - no matter what.
Energetic Boundaries
Stop answering every call.
Tune in with yourself before you give an answer. "What would I say if I were to value myself? What would I say if I were to honor myself? What is my truth?"
Give yourself time to give an answer. "Let me get back to you on that." Or "Let me check my schedule."
Take 1 day a week for yourself and do things that bring you joy, peace, bliss, happiness, harmony. A self-care day.
Learn to negotiate. Let people know what works for you. This also lets them know what "doesn't" work for you.
Declutter your home. Especially your bedroom.
Salt smudge once a month.
Consume vitamin D, omega 3 fatty acids, iron, and immune boosters.
Wear crystals: hematite, black kyanite, obsidian, tiger's eye, carnelian, howlite, agate, amber, amethyst, black onyx, citrine, coral, emerald, garnet, ruby or tourmaline.
Spend time in nature. Travel.
Cover your solar plexus with a crystal when you are required to attend an event with lots of people/energies.
Listen to binaural beats. (Not for epileptics or those prone to seizures).
Strengthen your aura.
Use essential oils.
Meditate regularly.
Give yourself permission to leave an event early.
Imagine yourself inside of a crystal glass elevator for crowded events.
Imagine holding up a convex mirror to those who are aggressive/abrasive, scream/shout.
Instruct your body to release and remove other people's emotions from you.
Take hot salt baths. Dead sea salts pull out negative energies and pink Himalayan salts clear your auric field.
Learn to receive love and support.
Making It
I used to think to have world-famous parents meant life is easy for you and you've already made it, how lucky. Till I met a client who has a world-famous father and has struggled most of her life and when asked to borrow some money from him just once, he had his lawyers draw up a contract with increasing interest rates. She never asked for his support again.
I use to think to look like a supermodel meant life was a dream and you've already made it, how lucky. Till I met a client who can't stand the way she looks and said it's a curse - not because she thinks she's ugly - but because people have always told her she's dumb but looks good so now she's in a career she hates because she feels she is not capable of doing anything else while being plagued with traumatic memories of a violent father and bipolar mother.
I used to think winning an Oscar meant you've made it and everything else is gravy. Till I met a client who's won 2 Oscars but feels absolutely nothing for winning them because of a lifetime of being emasculated and never speaking up for himself so he's completely shut down and disconnected.
I used to think people who've attended ivy league schools have made it, how lucky. Till I met a client - a Yale graduate with stage 4 breast cancer who was drugged and raped in Yale as her first sexual experience; where the men chanted, "no means yes! Yes means anal!!" And to this day, she is haunted by that memory.
I used to think being born into wealth meant you've made it and life must be easy. Till I met a client who's a recovering alcoholic, born into wealth, but has spent a lifetime compounding and manifesting more shame, from being molested as a child and lacks confidence, ambition and even a drive to live.
It's easy to assume that people who have what you want, have made it. And I'm not saying don't go for it - by all means - do. But y/our definition of "making it" may not be the thing that gives you what you are looking for. And while it's true, not every story is like this, these clients have specifically come into my life to shed light, ignorance, and naivety. Thinking others have it easy is just another form of victimhood mentality. Maybe "making it" is just liking who you are. Maybe it's being okay with where you're at. Maybe it's having loving relationships. Maybe it's having good health. Whatever your definition is - May we all feel like we've made it.
Inspired Women Inspire Women
Attending your ex-husband and girlfriend's baby shower is not the easiest decision to make. Pride and ego kicks in. We tell ourselves, it's fair to feel hurt: resentment, anger, shame. It's too weird to go and a thousand other victim stories and outdated beliefs that serve nothing but the ego. But when we as women choose to be the kind of woman who shows up for other women, we break the cycles of our ancestors and create new (healthier) patterns for ourselves and a new freedom for our descendants. It's a win-win for all. And I'm so honored to show up and support Dionna Chambers who graciously helps raise and shape my son's future. I'm grateful for this opportunity to give (and show) my ex and his girlfriend my blessings. I'm proud to be a woman who lifts other women up. And I get to be the type of woman who inspires me. In this action, in this choice, I get to to live an inspired life and be the kind of woman I've always wanted to be. And last but not least, I get to set myself and her free.
Loneliness
Loneliness has nothing to do with partnership and everything to do with relationship with the self. Loneliness comes from an accumulation of abandoning, rejecting, neglecting the self. Not listening, not valuing, not honoring the self: your truth. Loneliness cannot be cured by others. If you find yourself wanting a relationship because you are lonely, it is best to fill your own "love bucket" by doing all the things you want to do, for yourself. When you become responsible for your wholeness and completion, you will no longer attract others who abandon, reject and neglect you. You won't need them to compensate that which you refuse to do for yourself. For everyone mirrors your relationship with your self. The cure for loneliness is you, and no other. Whatever it is you want a partner to do for you - you get to do it for yourself.